God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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