This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
