i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
