If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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