I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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