I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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