Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
