you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he shaved USA in his pubs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i now understand why vodka
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
