I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
