No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
