You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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