That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
