May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
