I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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