Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my liver is dry heaving
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
