We won't sleep together?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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