i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize