there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
