After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Bring me that man meat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
