i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My balls are so social today.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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