I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm having to shit out rocks
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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