Someone shit on the floor
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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