I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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