ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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