When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
