Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
