I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
