1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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