the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
