Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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