Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
