i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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