he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
