he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
