if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
