sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
