Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
