I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
