Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize