one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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