My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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