wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
