The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
