pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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