Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
where are my eyebrows?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
