He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
two words: eviction party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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