Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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