I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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