11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
