dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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