it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
