It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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