When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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