I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize