Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
