The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
