More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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