So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
