Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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