As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
