He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize