he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
