I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
