Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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