i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize