Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
