So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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