we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
not ubering you a puppy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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