we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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