If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
