I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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