at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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