So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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