as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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