i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize