We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
