are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
