My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
