My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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