i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
