its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
