I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
