I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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