u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
