If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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