the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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