Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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