the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
