I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
