He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
