three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
