You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The air was thick with penises
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
