Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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