There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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