Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
