This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
