just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
