i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
