hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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