Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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