i think my tv is drunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
