So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
