Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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