erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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