You're so nebulous sometimes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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