Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
