oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
