How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
