i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
