We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
