I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
